Framily & Building New Connections

Fortune smiles upon us this Friday, June 27 at 308 am CDT.  Our conscious spirits align with our ability to manifest from our instincts.  Or in astrological language, it is a New Moon.  At this time nights are darkest.  Lighting the way in the morning is the third brightest object in the sky, Venus, as the Morning Star.  Dark nights symbolize looking within for our answers and our connections.  Venus Star in Capricorn illuminates our collective passion for connections inside and outside our homes, families and comfort zones.

Presently, we are looking for a more inclusive vision.  Cancer desires importance in the family; Capricorn wants importance in the community and the professional world.  We seek both now.  There must be a balance between the two in order to move through the world as a grounded, yet empathetic force.  Through these initiating signs, we get into a groove of where we belong.  When our family of origins let us down, we learn to channel our ambitions into making a 'mark' on the world, usually through a defiant 'I'll show you' attitude.  However, as we mature our hard edges soften (often through the spiritual solvent of divine discontent found in Neptune), we become more compassionate to ourselves and others.

I love the word 'framily'.  It is a marketing concoction from Sprint.  You cannot throw a small stone here in the Kansas City area and not hit someone who has a connection to this company.  In the interests of full disclosure, my partner works for them. 

Each summer begins with an active feeling need to connect with those closest to us.  The Summer solstice marks our conscious ability to put energy in motion, e-motion, feelings in action.  Framily describes that wondrously porous boundary we choose to make with friends.  Many of us tell a story of how our parents wounded us.  The beautiful thing about framily ties is that we opt for intimacy.  We get to tell new stories of personal power and agency.  Instead of bemoaning the shortcomings of our childhood imprinters, we can luxuriate in those chosen relationships.

Anyone who knows me knows I have a thing for the baby sister of Sister Sledge.  Kathy's raspy voice opened my heart with her enthusiastic riffs and ad-libs. Their biggest hit 'We Are Family' (which I didn't like until it left the Billboard Top 40, stubborn I can be) was co-opted by some LGBTQ in the 1980's.  To describe someone as 'family' you were trusting that you could 'out' them, primarily because you were outing yourself.  Many times in minority communities there are informal relationships made without any need for overt discussion (sometimes because said discussion at the wrong time and place could mean at best derision and at worse, death (economic death counts too, job loss).  I remember my mother taking in Wardene when I was around seven years old.  He became my foster brother without the benefit of any legal proceedings.  He was family, still is.

Fast forward to the 21st century and we have a need to belong more than ever before.  Our framilies make a difference in our mental and emotional health in a very large way.  I sense we are reaching a tipping point of technological saturation where the common feeling connection will increase in value to remind us of innate oneness.  I see the Internet as a physical symbol of the Universal Mind (Aquarius).  Now, where is our symbol for the Universal Heart (Pisces)?  I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you that Pisces follows Aquarius in the circle of animals aka as the zodiac.  I perceive an ability to turn friends into family or framily is a beginning step in the development of the Universal Heart.

How Do You Know You Are Part of a Framily?

Do you look to your friends for support that has been denied to you by your family of origin?

Do you have network of personal friends that do not associate with your family?

Have you been known to use the term 'sistah girl', 'home boy' or 'bro' and mean it, even when it makes you feel sappy or out of date?

When you receive good news, do you call your closet friends first?

Do you and your partner have an understanding that certain folk will be included in your special occasions with little to no discussion?

Do your children call some adults by 'Uncle' or 'Aunt' even they are not your brother or sister?

Do you dream of living a more communal life but have not been able to make it happen practically?

Do you resist the temptation to speculate (or ask) about the personal sex lives of LGBTQ individuals?

Do you accept that there are married bisexual in existence who are not unhappy or unfulfilled?

Do you not allow your partner to make your adult friends?

Bonus question:

Do you have friends in your family of origin?

Re-read these 11 questions while asking yourself to the questions you answered "No", "If not, why not?  If there are any people who are on your Framily List, read the questions to them.  No Framily List?  Make one.

If you answered "Yes" to four or less questions, Lucy, you've got some splainin' to do.  Smile and make new friends, framily members don't bite (unless you ask & there are safe words).  It takes time to recognize where your unconscious biases are located.  It is important you take heart felt ownership of where you have stayed in your comfort zones.  If framily were easy, we'd be all be huddled up with each other.

The following is an example of someone who has some explaining to do...

A person dedicated to making framily would not say or think this thought offered by US Senator Ron Johnson.  He said "If voters want gay marriage, I am not going to oppose it."  Framily people seek to be inclusive, not so Switzerland-like neutral that a position is taken through passivity.  It's that ol' chestnut of 'either you are part of the problem or part of the solution'.  If our collective stayed stuck on stupid like this Senator and others, we'd still have Jim Crow laws.  Even in privileged positions, a framily person looks at another's perspective, no matter how foreign to you personally.

Take heart, though, we all have work to do on our evolution otherwise we would not be on this physical plane of existence.  Or we would have been born with a Bodhisattva as a parent.

If you answered "Yes" to five to seven questions, you're doing your work on creating your framily.  You are a curious sort.  Ask yourself, "do you genuinely want deep friendships of the framily variety?" or "do you desire to be perceived as 'sophisticated'?  If you don't voice unpopular opinions particularly in a group think mutual admiration society, then you're not as much of an ally as you appear.  You've probably voted for Senator Obama, but maybe you didn't vote for President Obama (and if you did, it was more out a reaction of dislike to Governor Romney).  Remember POTUS' position on same sex marriage was 'evolving'.  You could also be loving Pope Francis, too.  In essence, you are open to being made aware of your unconscious biases with little to no defensiveness.  This is an important step in building framily, allies and community.

If you answered "Yes" to eight or more questions, we could play and create new realities.  You think Attorney General Eric Holder, Maya Angelou and RuPaul rock.  you know that a 'war' on anything only makes that negative energy grow.  As someone who stands on the shoulders of his ancestors, recovering from childhood indoctrination from Jehovah's Witnesses, openly living with a man and without family wealth, I have been described as a conscious litmus test of 'otherness'.  S*#t,  by simply showing up, I evoke unconscious biases in others.  Or humorously put, I am a conscious anti-discrimination poster child.

Used to be my story until very recently.  Now, I make the time keeping my heart large and open with my quick witted mind.  My being centers on using my gifts to inspire the collective building of our Universal Heart. That's what this Cancer New Moon centers on, how do I continue to develop the recognition of my framily gifts?  Through loving the possibilities of intimate connections beyond bloodlines and sexual attractions this New Moon whispers, "Your turn to expand what love is in your life..."